I think I may now have a full understanding of the term “panic attack.” Matter of fact, I think I may even be having one as I type this post. And no, I’m not kidding.
I may have finally reached my limit with a lot of things and areas of my life all at the same time. The complete L-I-M-I-T.
Look, I know I’m a complainer. While I’m thankful for the who and the what I have, I’m to the point where I’m just so defeated by so many other things and I’m not afraid to tell people. Although, I do try to temper my complaints with my genuine appreciation for all that is my life.
I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life on so many different levels. And with crossroads come decisions. I am the first person to admit that I detest making grand scale decisions that will have a lasting impact on the people in my life. Decisions just for me? No problem. I’m willing to take the good and the bad that comes from them. But, when my decision is going to have (or could have) a lasting impact on the lives of my husband or my children? I freeze. I stall. I debate. I calculate. I “what if” myself into the ground. And that is where I am today.
So, you can see why I may be having a panic attack. I know the Lord has plans for me. I’ve been struggling mightily over the past few years to figure out what those plans could be and where they might lead. I have faith in Him and I know that He will provide all that I need, I just hope I have the strength and the perseverance to see His plans realized without letting myself get in the way.